Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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