If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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