I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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