this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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