I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Found the puke drawer
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
