dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
