I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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