I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
