I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
