Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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