i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
