Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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