are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
