those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize