Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
