The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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