i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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