Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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