my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
