Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
