in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
