If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
