and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
