he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
