I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
