there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
