just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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