So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
