Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
