my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
