Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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