my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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