She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
