I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
