he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
