I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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