bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
