Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
