How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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