Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
