it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
