I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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