Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
