My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Randomize
