1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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