I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
