dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
