I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
