one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Are we still banned from the library?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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