Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He passed out mid-signature
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
