You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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