im about as happy as oj after his trial
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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