dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
